Many of you may be familiar with this Bible verse from Proverbs. What can happen sometimes in our families is that we get off schedule in our training. Before we know it our 12-year-old that we were having behavioral issues with, is getting ready to turn 16 or maybe even 17, and the issues we noticed a while back have become compounded. We realize that all our efforts at correcting the situation haven’t worked and the distance between you and your child has grown from a little wedge between you to a canyon of coldness and hurt feelings in between. The rebellious behaviors that were once just annoyances, now have grown to be total disruptions to any peace and serenity that used to be enjoyed on occasion within the four walls of your home. What’s the answer, you wonder?

Tim Overby from House of Hope KC speaks on this in a recent episode of Encounter on the Bott Radio Network.

It’s sometimes natural for us to believe that our children are just going through a stage that they will soon grow out of.  After all we might remember back to our childhood and maybe even one of our other children and think of a circumstance that fit that narrative well. What happens when we tell ourselves that for too long? Our rebellious child starts telling themselves that you’re the problem and they just need to wait until they are 18 and can move out on their own. They think that no change is necessary on their part, because they have a way out. They envision themselves as adults who no longer have to live under your influence. When we go back to the verse from Proverbs and think about the wording, it’s talking about raising up a child, when we wait too long to make the necessary corrections in the relationship, all of the sudden they are almost legally an adult. 

So, if you’re reading this and your 12 or 13 year old has been in a prolonged pattern of emotional upheaval that has changed your household experience from peaceful, to more often than not a battleground, maybe it’s time to take a deep breath and get some help. Recognizing that what we’re doing is not working and we may need to enlist some help, is not a sign of weakness or incompetence, but rather wisdom and discernment. House of Hope is an organization with years of experience in helping families just like yours. Their team of counselors and residential staff is experienced at being “family friendly” from the standpoint of wanting to heal the division that has entered your home, to replace it with peace, mutual respect and honor among all those that live under its roof. We hope if you’re reading this you will consider taking a break and leaning into the experience of our staff to help bring change and fresh eyes to your situation. Doing it sooner, rather than later, often pays dividends as well. There is not a parental playbook that works for every relationship and if you’re feeling that yours needs some new plays, reach out, we’d love to partner with you.